It’s happening. It’s coming and there is nothing I can do to stop it. Sounds dramatic doesn’t it?
It is not. Highschool graduation. I knew this moment was coming for 18 years. In fact, I would be far more upset if he WASN’T graduating, if he wasn’t leaving. It is time.
But it is my baby. My last one. I cry as I write that. Yes. Seriously. It is so aggravating. Sit with your feelings. HUH! That’s all well and good until you have to do it.
I gather myself and I find my breath. I lengthen it out. I am proud of myself. It has taken me this long to give myself credit for all the good things, I spent so much time beating myself up about everything that I thought I could have done better. I’m not an adequate parent. What if everyone finds out that I don’t know what I am doing?!?
Here is the good news. I figured it out! No one knows what they are doing! At age 50, I have found stillness. I am trying desperately to stay in the present moment and enjoy each last event of this senior year. I want to be there at everything- it is weird how much I want to be around my kids. I don’t need them to talk to me or acknowledge me-just be in their presence.
I am driving them crazy. I assure them, I will not be the last female to drive them nuts. They are learning empathy. I want them to be able to hold space for emotion without judgement. I feel the biggest gift I can give my boys is to be able to see emotion, not be afraid of it and know this too shall pass. I am so dang proud of them.
They know I am in the middle of a transition…I am terrified and excited all in the same breath but I know all is well. I have done the very best job I knew how to do. I gave it my all and although it wasn’t perfect, wouldn’t change a thing. I have 2 very loving, smart, kind boys.
This is for all the Moms. My crazy busy Moms, my working Moms, my stay at home Moms. The Moms that are crying as they read this and the ones that feel so uncomfortable with emotion they are not quite sure how to feel (don’t worry-I have enough emotion to share!)
If no one has told you lately, you are doing a great job. Stop just for minute and. take a moment to pause. If you are in the part of parenting where your child is an absolute dream or the thing that nightmares are made of…hold tight. Make a memory.
Remember the moment. Because even in the saddest and ugliest of moments, there will be something good and beautiful that comes out of it. In every moment there is always something to be grateful for.