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Self-Love vs Self-Discipline

Let’s talk self-love and self-discipline.

Finding true health starts with a balance between self-love and self-discipline. It’s not just one or the other.

Lets set the record straight. Self-love is not conceded or selfish. It also doesn’t necessarily mean you like yourself everyday, but it does focus on increasing your positive behavior while reducing your harmful behavior.

Have you ever used self-love to rationalize not doing something you know you should? Of course you have!

I have! I have also been guilty of swinging the other way using self-discipline to the point of self-destruction.

It is not one or the other. You have to have both in order to stay healthy. It’s not an either-or conversation.

Balance between self-love and self-discipline is key.

Self-love is about knowing your worth and value in the world, and then using self-discipline is to help pursue the thing you are wanting. From weight-loss to career change – Both are needed.

Discipline is what gets us to show up when we have failed yet again.

Transformation is messy. We are humans, that’s the reality. Discipline keeps us showing up and pursuing what we really want out of our life. Finding our passion. Figuring out why God put us on this world.

Self-love means taking care of your own needs and not sacrificing your well-being to please others.

I read a quote once that said “When you say yes to others, make sure you are are not saying no to yourself.”

“Yes” is such a sweet little word, and “no” can feel negative and limiting. But “no” is a powerful word.

It goes back to the airplane, when oxygen masks are falling from the deck above your seats, secure your mask first then help the other person.

I believe that in many homes, holding these boundaries is not something we were taught. We have only been taught to give, give, give. We forgot the part about loving our neighbor as thyself.

Giving is wonderful. It’s a necessity. But… If you are a Mom… Please remember that you are already giving to your people.

I see this all the time (yes, this showed up in my own life). We always think we are supposed to be doing more.

Here’s an example from one of my clients –

This client has three children. She works 60 hours a week, and has a part-time gig. She very rarely makes time for lunch. She lives on caffeine. She wakes at 5am, is home by 5pm, cooks, cleans, rarely gets more than 6 hours of sleep, and is constantly exhausted. Why wouldn’t she be? She is simply too exhausted to enjoy anything she is working for. Zest and joy are missing from her life.

There isn’t a simple answer to this. Will there be sacrifices? Yes. But there are only 24 hours in a day. You have to decide what your priorities are.

Self-discipline helps you say no to things that will benefit your future self.

When my kids were toddlers, my oldest could throw some ground fits. Followed me from room to room just to get what he wanted. I knew if I gave in to his little toddler fits, it would be that much harder the next time. I think of my brain as that little toddler sometimes. I don’t always want to go for a walk, but if I do than I know I will feel better. I will sleep better. So instead of giving in to that first thought. That little toddler fit. I am already prepared with why I need to do what it is I need to do to feel my best. Is it 100%? No. But enough to build a habit and you can do it too.

Try this!

Name THREE things that you should be doing to optimize your health.

Got it?

Okay… now why aren’t you doing those things?

Some common reasons we give are; there’s not enough time, not enough money, I’m not sure what to do… Scarcity mindset. The fear there will never be enough.

But what if the truth is that you really don’t think you can do it? Are you missing the self-love part where you know you are totally worth feeling good? Or are you missing discipline and not doing the things you said you were going to do, just because you don’t ‘feel’ like it?

Are you exhausting yourself doing everything for everyone else, because you have yet to find your self-worth? When is the last time you really spent money and time on yourself. To fill your own cup? Why is it that as women we have such a hard time slowing down?

Exhausted middle-aged woman.

Hey – This midlife stuff?!? It is crazy hard. We are in the middle between caring for aging parents and dealing with hormonal teenagers or young adults while trying to balance our careers, marriage – Oh, and don’t forget hormonal changes.

Be kind to yourself.

Want to know the secret to living a healthy life? Your best life?

It’s not a fad diet, it’s not a quick fix detox program. It is not focusing on short term solutions. It’s about tapping into self-love and self-discipline. You get those two right, and the rest will fall into place.

Need some extra support balancing self-love and self-discipline? Book a call with me today, and we can discuss if health coaching might be the solution for you!

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